The stuff we talked about

1. You noticed the voice

The one that pipes up when you put your hand up and get it wrong. The one that replays a conversation from three days ago and tells you what you should have said. Everyone hears it. Most people never stop to notice it's talking.

Noticing is the whole trick. You can't do anything about a voice you think is just you.

Try this: next time it starts, say "that's the critic" in your head. That's it. Just name it.

2. It's not just you

In the workshop, when we asked who hears a harsh voice in their head, most of the room put their hand up. Including the people you'd assume never would.

The critic tells you that you're the only one struggling. That is the single most convincing lie it tells, and it is not true in any room we have ever been in.

3. One thing you can do

You don't have to argue with it or fight it. You just have to answer it with something a friend would say.

That's the inner encourager. Not fake positivity, not "you're amazing". Something you'd actually believe. "That was rough and I got through it." "I'm allowed to be new at this."

Try this: pick one sentence now, while it's calm, so you already have it when it isn't.

4. When you mess up

You will. Everyone does. The question is what happens in the ten minutes after.

Talking to yourself the way you'd talk to your best mate who just messed up is not going soft. It's the thing that gets you back on the horse faster than kicking yourself does.

5. Who you can talk to

Some things are too big to handle with self-talk, and that isn't a failure. Knowing when to tell someone is a skill, not a weakness.

Think of one adult you'd actually go to. A teacher, someone in the wellbeing team, a parent, an aunty, a coach. You don't have to talk to them today. Just know who it is.